I just wrote a very heartfelt post, a very raw, honest, heartfelt post. I hit publish, and it all disappeared.
Went to some chat rooms, and apparently this is fairly common. So I will take it as prophetic, and try to think about what counted most about what I wrote. What was the meta-message.
Perhaps it is this.
Sometimes (if not always) in the process of loving someone, we draw upon the things inside of us that we most wish to rid ourselves of. Maybe not everyone does this--maybe some level of maturity or ambivalence steers some of us clear. I am not one of those people. I don my flaws like a pair of new wings and soar around on them. It would be more spectacular if it were not self-destructive.
So, this is part of my work. My work, the work I am here to do in this outfit, this skin, this life, this go-around, this however-long-it-takes-to-get-it-right. And here is today's lesson, lovely friends:
When your doing YOUR work becomes a full-time and not enjoyable job for someone else, you are probably not on a path to something good.
When you become work for someone else, it might be time to leave.
I could be wrong about this. Maybe there is love so big and forgiving that it holds you aloft, even when you are each really difficult work for the other.
I would like to meet this love so big.
I care that I became work for another person. Work. Instead of being their best time. Their best, sweetest, swaying-to-the-music, kissing-my-neck-from-behind, in our own little cave in our own little time best time.
I care. I want to be someone's best time.
OK?
